You know what really grinds my gears?
Those People Who Hand Out Fliers. So yesterday I was walking on B'way between Canal and Broome, so as usual, there were alot of people handing out fliers. Its like a game having to dodge them. Everything from take out menus to cheapest body wax in New York, which can be a bit insulting to hand to someone, but that's a different story entirely. I was trying to walk by one of these people and he jabbed the thing out in my face. I glanced down and the whole thing was in Chinese. Like, do I look like I can read that? I cant even tell what language it is for gods sake! Stop wasting paper. it all ends up on the ground anyway as litter. You are ruining the environment.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Slow Walkers
You know what really grinds my gears?
Slow Walkers. So I am walking down the street and I notice myself slowing down and then I look around and realize that I am caught behind a slow walker. I look to the left and the right and see that this slow walker has other slow walker friends and they are all wobbling slowly down Third Ave together. So, I cant pass them. I am stuck behind the slow people. And then I was late to an appointment. And no one would ever buy the slow walker excuse. But really, what is the deal with these people? Like they all look healthy, some even have long legs. So why are they so slow?? Do these people have nothing to do or do they just want to piss busy people like myself off?
So here is my plan to fix it. You know how we have bicycle lanes? Lets have slow walker lanes, this way they can have their space and normal people can have ours. I don't care what they do or how slow they walk in their slow peoples lane, that's none of my business, but as long as they are out of the way, I dont care.
Slow Walkers. So I am walking down the street and I notice myself slowing down and then I look around and realize that I am caught behind a slow walker. I look to the left and the right and see that this slow walker has other slow walker friends and they are all wobbling slowly down Third Ave together. So, I cant pass them. I am stuck behind the slow people. And then I was late to an appointment. And no one would ever buy the slow walker excuse. But really, what is the deal with these people? Like they all look healthy, some even have long legs. So why are they so slow?? Do these people have nothing to do or do they just want to piss busy people like myself off?
So here is my plan to fix it. You know how we have bicycle lanes? Lets have slow walker lanes, this way they can have their space and normal people can have ours. I don't care what they do or how slow they walk in their slow peoples lane, that's none of my business, but as long as they are out of the way, I dont care.
Monday, March 8, 2010
People who dont get Airport security.
You know what really grinds my gears?
People who dont get Airport security. Line up. Show ID and Boarding Pass. Take off shoes and coats. Take out Laptop. Liquids out in a baggie.
Really? How hard is this. Ok, I know I fly alot more than the average person, but this really hasnt changed in the past 5 years. Why is it that you have to ask questions like... Where do I go now? Should I take off my shoes? Do you need my ID with my boarding pass? Come on. Is it that hard? If the person infront of you is asked to take off their shoes, you have to also. Dude, You arent special!
Oh, and this one really drove me up the wall. The guy infront of me in line had Million Mile club markers on his suitcase. This guy has flown over 1,000,000 miles in his life. And this dumbass still couldnt figure it out. Ok, I know it is a hassle people, but get with the program. Your stupidity is making us all late.
People who dont get Airport security. Line up. Show ID and Boarding Pass. Take off shoes and coats. Take out Laptop. Liquids out in a baggie.
Really? How hard is this. Ok, I know I fly alot more than the average person, but this really hasnt changed in the past 5 years. Why is it that you have to ask questions like... Where do I go now? Should I take off my shoes? Do you need my ID with my boarding pass? Come on. Is it that hard? If the person infront of you is asked to take off their shoes, you have to also. Dude, You arent special!
Oh, and this one really drove me up the wall. The guy infront of me in line had Million Mile club markers on his suitcase. This guy has flown over 1,000,000 miles in his life. And this dumbass still couldnt figure it out. Ok, I know it is a hassle people, but get with the program. Your stupidity is making us all late.
Friday, March 5, 2010
people who insist that god is a man.
You know what really grinds my gears?
People who insist that god is a man. Look, I am religious, dont get me wrong, but really, think about this. People want to picture god as this old, white man. Let me tell ya. Old white men cant do shit. If anyone is god, it is either an overbearing Jewish mother or a sassy black woman who also works at the DMV. Why? Because these women actually accomplish things in their day. Like, if a messiah ever comes, the messiah isnt going to be taking the limo to the country club in Westchester, the messiah will be in Harlem helping to feed the poor. Get real America!
Oh, and Rush Limbaugh, every time you open your mouth, God puts a tally mark on a piece of paper with your name on it. She is on her third legal pad.
People who insist that god is a man. Look, I am religious, dont get me wrong, but really, think about this. People want to picture god as this old, white man. Let me tell ya. Old white men cant do shit. If anyone is god, it is either an overbearing Jewish mother or a sassy black woman who also works at the DMV. Why? Because these women actually accomplish things in their day. Like, if a messiah ever comes, the messiah isnt going to be taking the limo to the country club in Westchester, the messiah will be in Harlem helping to feed the poor. Get real America!
Oh, and Rush Limbaugh, every time you open your mouth, God puts a tally mark on a piece of paper with your name on it. She is on her third legal pad.
sketchy investment emails
You know what really grinds my gears?
sketchy investment emails. SO the other day, my blackberry buzzed. I got excited, so I picked it up and saw the following email:
Dear Friend,
My name is MR ALI BARAKAH .I work as an AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BUKINA (B.C.B) ,working as part of a bigger team that covers the entire African region,I had taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors,On routine audit check last month,I discovered some investment Accounts that had been dormant for the last seven years.
All the accounts belong to a single holder (NAME WITH HELD) with monies totaling a little above $11.5 million United States Dollars plus interest,I need a trust-worthy partner to assist us in recieving this funds for further investment in your country,You will be required to:
(1) Assist me in the recieving of this sum in your Country.
(2) Advise on areas for potential future investment in your country.
(3) Assist me in carrying a feasibility study before actual investment.
If you decide to render your service to me in this regard,you will be entitled to a percentage that will be agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 50% would be for me and it will take only five working days the money will be transfer into your account as soon as possible.
1. Full Names.
2. Full contact Address (Not P.O Box).
3. Phone number(s).
4. Age.
5. Details of past work experiences.
Thank you and regards.
MR ALI BARAKAH
Like, ok creeps. I am not giving you any of this information, so please Mr. Ali Barakah. Go away. I cant imagine meeting the person who is so stupid as to respond to this. No one would. Just stop trying.
ps- Are you the same guy who runs the Spanish Lottery?
sketchy investment emails. SO the other day, my blackberry buzzed. I got excited, so I picked it up and saw the following email:
Dear Friend,
My name is MR ALI BARAKAH .I work as an AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BUKINA (B.C.B) ,working as part of a bigger team that covers the entire African region,I had taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors,On routine audit check last month,I discovered some investment Accounts that had been dormant for the last seven years.
All the accounts belong to a single holder (NAME WITH HELD) with monies totaling a little above $11.5 million United States Dollars plus interest,I need a trust-worthy partner to assist us in recieving this funds for further investment in your country,You will be required to:
(1) Assist me in the recieving of this sum in your Country.
(2) Advise on areas for potential future investment in your country.
(3) Assist me in carrying a feasibility study before actual investment.
If you decide to render your service to me in this regard,you will be entitled to a percentage that will be agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 50% would be for me and it will take only five working days the money will be transfer into your account as soon as possible.
1. Full Names.
2. Full contact Address (Not P.O Box).
3. Phone number(s).
4. Age.
5. Details of past work experiences.
Thank you and regards.
MR ALI BARAKAH
Like, ok creeps. I am not giving you any of this information, so please Mr. Ali Barakah. Go away. I cant imagine meeting the person who is so stupid as to respond to this. No one would. Just stop trying.
ps- Are you the same guy who runs the Spanish Lottery?
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The lack of any recent dysfunctional family movies.
You know what really grinds my gears?
The lack of any recent dysfunctional family movies. Ok, so we all loved movies like Running with Scissors, The Squid and the Whale and of course, the Royal Tennenbaums. Why? Because they make our families look normal, which is better than any $150 hour of therapy can do for us. So, Hollywood... We need a new one. Like soon. They are humorous, entertaining, cheap to make and good. So why are you still making shit like Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Squeakquell instead of something like this. Script writers, get off your couch, put your joint out, and get to it!!
The lack of any recent dysfunctional family movies. Ok, so we all loved movies like Running with Scissors, The Squid and the Whale and of course, the Royal Tennenbaums. Why? Because they make our families look normal, which is better than any $150 hour of therapy can do for us. So, Hollywood... We need a new one. Like soon. They are humorous, entertaining, cheap to make and good. So why are you still making shit like Alvin and the Chipmunks, the Squeakquell instead of something like this. Script writers, get off your couch, put your joint out, and get to it!!
Holocaust Deniers
While I know this blog is usually meant to be humorous, please allow me to make a post that is very serious.
There is absolutely nothing that grinds my gears more than a holocaust denier. To clarify, there are a lot of people out there who actually go around and tell people that the holocaust never happened and that the jews made this up for their own personal gain. This is absurd. Look at history, look at the proof. the Nazi party kept millions of records. There are photographs, novels, personal tales, mass graves, etc, etc.
I have stood inside gas chambers in Auschwitz and Mydonic. I have seen gas chambers at Treblinka and Birkenau. Let me tell you. When you stand inside a cement room that has been stained with zyclon B gas and you look at the wall and see human scratch marks, you know. This was real. There is no denying the death of over 10 million people. There is no denying the murder of my ancestors, my relatives, my people.
So, I ask you:
and anyone else who denies the holocaust. Please go to Poland. See what happened. Stand in a gas chamber and tell me this isnt real.
And for everyone else. Please defend this when you need to. I was on the C train a while ago and overheard a couple who were saying that they didn't think the holocaust was real. I went up, introduced my self and told my story. Now they are willing to look at reality. What I did was not special, notable or honorable. This is what I should be doing as a member of the human race. And so should you. If you have any questions on this, please do ask.
There is absolutely nothing that grinds my gears more than a holocaust denier. To clarify, there are a lot of people out there who actually go around and tell people that the holocaust never happened and that the jews made this up for their own personal gain. This is absurd. Look at history, look at the proof. the Nazi party kept millions of records. There are photographs, novels, personal tales, mass graves, etc, etc.
I have stood inside gas chambers in Auschwitz and Mydonic. I have seen gas chambers at Treblinka and Birkenau. Let me tell you. When you stand inside a cement room that has been stained with zyclon B gas and you look at the wall and see human scratch marks, you know. This was real. There is no denying the death of over 10 million people. There is no denying the murder of my ancestors, my relatives, my people.
So, I ask you:
and anyone else who denies the holocaust. Please go to Poland. See what happened. Stand in a gas chamber and tell me this isnt real.
And for everyone else. Please defend this when you need to. I was on the C train a while ago and overheard a couple who were saying that they didn't think the holocaust was real. I went up, introduced my self and told my story. Now they are willing to look at reality. What I did was not special, notable or honorable. This is what I should be doing as a member of the human race. And so should you. If you have any questions on this, please do ask.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Asher Roth
You know who really grinds my gears?
Asher Roth. Ok, so he was a warm up for a concert I went to a while ago. All the sudden I hear, "Yo, yo, yo, if you snuck weed in to the Garden lit it up NOW!" And then I see a dweeby jewish kid walk on stage.
Ok, asher. You are from Morrisville, PA. You will rased in a well to do house. Eminem atleast has 8 mile. What you got? Oh, yeah, YOU ARE JEWISH! At least Matisyahu, The guy from the Wu Tang Clan and the beastie boys were respectable. You are a disgrace. What would your bubbie and zadie think about lyrics like "Drink my beer and smoke my weed" and "And I love drinking, ay! I love women, ay! Man, I love college?" Are these nice Jewish girls you love? Your safta should smack you upside the head! Oh, and what the fuck college did you go to... The Donald Trump Online University? Get a job. A real one.
Ok, so stop rapping, you annoy me. Go to shul.
Asher Roth. Ok, so he was a warm up for a concert I went to a while ago. All the sudden I hear, "Yo, yo, yo, if you snuck weed in to the Garden lit it up NOW!" And then I see a dweeby jewish kid walk on stage.
Ok, asher. You are from Morrisville, PA. You will rased in a well to do house. Eminem atleast has 8 mile. What you got? Oh, yeah, YOU ARE JEWISH! At least Matisyahu, The guy from the Wu Tang Clan and the beastie boys were respectable. You are a disgrace. What would your bubbie and zadie think about lyrics like "Drink my beer and smoke my weed" and "And I love drinking, ay! I love women, ay! Man, I love college?" Are these nice Jewish girls you love? Your safta should smack you upside the head! Oh, and what the fuck college did you go to... The Donald Trump Online University? Get a job. A real one.
Ok, so stop rapping, you annoy me. Go to shul.
That 17 year old wanna be hipster who thinks they can master the art of the mash up.
You know who really grinds my gears?
That 17 year old wanna be hipster who thinks they can master the art of the mash up. But they cant.
Ok, so some mashups are fucking brilliant. Like, The hood internet, Girl Talk and Super Mash Bros are ill. But dude. Just because you have a mac book and a flannel shirt from Urban Outfitters doesnt mean you can actually mash up music. Please stop trying. Go take some bad pictures or something.
That 17 year old wanna be hipster who thinks they can master the art of the mash up. But they cant.
Ok, so some mashups are fucking brilliant. Like, The hood internet, Girl Talk and Super Mash Bros are ill. But dude. Just because you have a mac book and a flannel shirt from Urban Outfitters doesnt mean you can actually mash up music. Please stop trying. Go take some bad pictures or something.
Fucking Marichi bands on the subway
So, I am on the one train going uptown to do my field work. I have noise canceling headphones on and I am reading for class. All the sudden a troupe of 5 Mexicans with large Moustaches get on the train and start playing their mariachi music. And I can hear them THRU my noise cancelling headphones. They are that fucking loud and horrible. Why do these people exist? And then they ask me for money. I told them I had none.. Then they asked me for money again. I told them to go away. Still didnt understand. They understood fuck off. (I hate being an asshole, but please just let me do my reading.)
No, honestly, if this group ever gets on the train while I am on it, I will certainly give them money. Not to play. A few bucks is worth my peace and quiet.
Honestly, I do feel bad being an asshole to these people. Like they are just trying to make some money, but they are SO LOUD and SOO OFF KEY.
No, honestly, if this group ever gets on the train while I am on it, I will certainly give them money. Not to play. A few bucks is worth my peace and quiet.
Honestly, I do feel bad being an asshole to these people. Like they are just trying to make some money, but they are SO LOUD and SOO OFF KEY.
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