You know what really grinds my gears?
100 calorie packs. Just because I end up eating like 5 or 6 at a time. Like, who can honestly just eat one. And they arent very good too. And they are overpriced! Can we make a 500 calorie pack?
Sunday, February 28, 2010
The shampoo/ body wash mix up.
You know what really grinds my gears?
The shampoo body wash mixup. I love using body wash, and I think it is the greatest invention ever, but I always mix up the two in the shower and end up putting body wash in my hair, essentially ruining it and I shampoo my legs, which is just awkward *Makes awkward turtle with hands*
Don't you just love when other people have the same problems as you? I went in to Lush and started complaining about this with the sales woman, and they actually sell an all in one shampoo body wash that is awesome! Made my day.
The shampoo body wash mixup. I love using body wash, and I think it is the greatest invention ever, but I always mix up the two in the shower and end up putting body wash in my hair, essentially ruining it and I shampoo my legs, which is just awkward *Makes awkward turtle with hands*
Don't you just love when other people have the same problems as you? I went in to Lush and started complaining about this with the sales woman, and they actually sell an all in one shampoo body wash that is awesome! Made my day.
That one night that ruins your whole week.
You know what really grinds my gears?
That one night that ruins your whole week. Ok, we have all been there. Its that night where you just have an epicly good time and you may not remember all of it. (A word to the wiser: do not mix jager, vodka and rum). Its that night that is so awesome it involves snow ball fights with hipsters on Bushwick roof tops at 3am. It is that night that makes you think Katy Perry's experience in Las Vegas was lame.
And then it sucks. Because you wake up the next day. You may wake up in a strangers bed or on the floor of your apartment. You may wake up on a pile of string cheese (yes, this was me this morning). And then you realize you have a throbing headache, your breath reeks of cheap vodka and you cant stand up. So you go back to sleep. This is just the beginning of the problems. You push of work, to-do's, emails, cleaning, etc,etc and it spills over in to your week, causing side effects of missed reading, embarrassing your self in class and all of that. Also, it completely screws up your sleep schedule causing you to doze off in class and at work. You will have to explain the various drunk texts you sent to people. And it all sucks.
I think this rant should be required to be placed on every single bottle of alcohol. Thanks to Diana Jacobson for getting me started on this kvetch.
That one night that ruins your whole week. Ok, we have all been there. Its that night where you just have an epicly good time and you may not remember all of it. (A word to the wiser: do not mix jager, vodka and rum). Its that night that is so awesome it involves snow ball fights with hipsters on Bushwick roof tops at 3am. It is that night that makes you think Katy Perry's experience in Las Vegas was lame.
And then it sucks. Because you wake up the next day. You may wake up in a strangers bed or on the floor of your apartment. You may wake up on a pile of string cheese (yes, this was me this morning). And then you realize you have a throbing headache, your breath reeks of cheap vodka and you cant stand up. So you go back to sleep. This is just the beginning of the problems. You push of work, to-do's, emails, cleaning, etc,etc and it spills over in to your week, causing side effects of missed reading, embarrassing your self in class and all of that. Also, it completely screws up your sleep schedule causing you to doze off in class and at work. You will have to explain the various drunk texts you sent to people. And it all sucks.
I think this rant should be required to be placed on every single bottle of alcohol. Thanks to Diana Jacobson for getting me started on this kvetch.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Expiration Dates
You know what really grinds my gears?
Expiration dates. While I understand it is important to tell me when my milk goes bad, how do you know? Like really, did someone time this to the exact day? I wanna meet the person who has the time to track a bottle of milk. Wouldn't they push up the date to scare people into buying more milk? I mean, no one really regulates these dates. Also, what if the date is too difficult to read. Then it is a constant guessing game between whether to consume the product or not.
Also, why do some products have expiration dates. Like bottled water. Since when does water expire? Like if I were to open a bottle of water after the date would I be like "DAMN... this water smells rotten, better pitch it!" Also, why does medicine expire? I am pretty sure it doesnt, and they just tell people this so we will go buy more of their medicine. Like, I have taken Tylenol wayy after the date and it still works.
In addition to all of that, there are expiration date fake outs, such as "Best Used By", "Sell By" and "Best Before". In actuality, these dates don't mean much, but they make me freak out.
So, I think the government should take ineffective dumbasses out of DMVs (another soon to come entry) and make them regulate the expiration dates. NO more dumb working. NO more confusion! No more fake out dates!
Expiration dates. While I understand it is important to tell me when my milk goes bad, how do you know? Like really, did someone time this to the exact day? I wanna meet the person who has the time to track a bottle of milk. Wouldn't they push up the date to scare people into buying more milk? I mean, no one really regulates these dates. Also, what if the date is too difficult to read. Then it is a constant guessing game between whether to consume the product or not.
Also, why do some products have expiration dates. Like bottled water. Since when does water expire? Like if I were to open a bottle of water after the date would I be like "DAMN... this water smells rotten, better pitch it!" Also, why does medicine expire? I am pretty sure it doesnt, and they just tell people this so we will go buy more of their medicine. Like, I have taken Tylenol wayy after the date and it still works.
In addition to all of that, there are expiration date fake outs, such as "Best Used By", "Sell By" and "Best Before". In actuality, these dates don't mean much, but they make me freak out.
So, I think the government should take ineffective dumbasses out of DMVs (another soon to come entry) and make them regulate the expiration dates. NO more dumb working. NO more confusion! No more fake out dates!
Digital Photography
You know what really grinds my gears?
Digital Photography. While I understand that Digital Cameras have revolutionized our world, and believe me, I have one, they have produced a horrible byproduct. The "Amateur Photographer".
As someone who is a "real Amateur Photographer", nothing drives me as nuts as when some 15 year old girl take a picture of pre-hipster against a graffiti-ed wall and calls it art. Or when they take pictures of eachother and call it Art. Or when they take a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge and post it on facebook and say... "Look at what a cool photographer I am!:D<3!!!" (Note to all of these dumbasses: Real photographers arent stupid enough to post their artistic photographs on Facebook because this relinquishes all of the rights you have to your shot. Read the Terms and Conditions some time. Get a Flikr) Or like when they take a picture of some bird, or a mountain, or something that is just boring as shit.
Real art should have real meaning. If you take a picture and tell me it looks cool, thats great. Now tell me why? Why is it cool? What is the meaning behind it? Do you know what the rule of thirds is? Do you know what aperture is? Can you edit photos digitally out of iPhoto? Do you know what 35mm film is, a SLR, etc, etc? If you answered no to these, you are not a photographer, so shut the fuck up. You arent talented. Period. Sorry.
PS- Sorry to trash you more sweetie, but real photographers dont use their cell phones, flip cameras and/or point and shoot cameras in automode.
Digital Photography. While I understand that Digital Cameras have revolutionized our world, and believe me, I have one, they have produced a horrible byproduct. The "Amateur Photographer".
As someone who is a "real Amateur Photographer", nothing drives me as nuts as when some 15 year old girl take a picture of pre-hipster against a graffiti-ed wall and calls it art. Or when they take pictures of eachother and call it Art. Or when they take a picture of the Brooklyn Bridge and post it on facebook and say... "Look at what a cool photographer I am!:D<3!!!" (Note to all of these dumbasses: Real photographers arent stupid enough to post their artistic photographs on Facebook because this relinquishes all of the rights you have to your shot. Read the Terms and Conditions some time. Get a Flikr) Or like when they take a picture of some bird, or a mountain, or something that is just boring as shit.
Real art should have real meaning. If you take a picture and tell me it looks cool, thats great. Now tell me why? Why is it cool? What is the meaning behind it? Do you know what the rule of thirds is? Do you know what aperture is? Can you edit photos digitally out of iPhoto? Do you know what 35mm film is, a SLR, etc, etc? If you answered no to these, you are not a photographer, so shut the fuck up. You arent talented. Period. Sorry.
PS- Sorry to trash you more sweetie, but real photographers dont use their cell phones, flip cameras and/or point and shoot cameras in automode.
Guacamole that looks better than it is.
You know what really grinds me gears?
Guacamole that looks better than it is. So, for those of you who dont know, I have had a recent obsession with guacamole, so I feel that it is my mission to search the city for good guacamole. Today, I was so dissapointed. I went to Zabar's and they had this incredible looking freshly made guac. So, I get it.
I come home from a meeting, dip a chip and chomp down. MAJOR LET DOWN! It tastes more bland than a fucking fruit salad. Like, what do I do with this guac now? There arent tomatoes in here, it is just so dissapointing. I think I am going to save it and serve it to people I dont like. Or throw it at people I hate.
Guacamole that looks better than it is. So, for those of you who dont know, I have had a recent obsession with guacamole, so I feel that it is my mission to search the city for good guacamole. Today, I was so dissapointed. I went to Zabar's and they had this incredible looking freshly made guac. So, I get it.
I come home from a meeting, dip a chip and chomp down. MAJOR LET DOWN! It tastes more bland than a fucking fruit salad. Like, what do I do with this guac now? There arent tomatoes in here, it is just so dissapointing. I think I am going to save it and serve it to people I dont like. Or throw it at people I hate.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
People who dont get the Murse
You know who really grinds my gears?
People who dont get the Murse. One might ask what a murse is. To clarify, Man+Purse=Murse.
Ok, so the murse might be gods gift to men. It holds EVERYTHING from snacks, to books, to macbooks, to magazines, to bottles of wine, to keys, to news papers.
There are some people out there who tease me for having a large tote bag and carrying it as a murse. One, you are just jealous that you cant pull off a large Burberry Murse. Two, you are pissed that you get caught sneaking large bottles in to the dorms on a Saturday night, when I don't (yeah, dumbass, who uses a backpack for legit purposes on the weekend... well.... maybe a stern student). Three, you are simply not cool enough.
So guys, jump on the murse train. You wont regret it!
PS-Thanks to William Sledd for supporting the Murse
PPS- Why does MURSE not register with spell check. Apple, fix this IMMEDIATELY!!
People who dont get the Murse. One might ask what a murse is. To clarify, Man+Purse=Murse.
Ok, so the murse might be gods gift to men. It holds EVERYTHING from snacks, to books, to macbooks, to magazines, to bottles of wine, to keys, to news papers.
There are some people out there who tease me for having a large tote bag and carrying it as a murse. One, you are just jealous that you cant pull off a large Burberry Murse. Two, you are pissed that you get caught sneaking large bottles in to the dorms on a Saturday night, when I don't (yeah, dumbass, who uses a backpack for legit purposes on the weekend... well.... maybe a stern student). Three, you are simply not cool enough.
So guys, jump on the murse train. You wont regret it!
PS-Thanks to William Sledd for supporting the Murse
PPS- Why does MURSE not register with spell check. Apple, fix this IMMEDIATELY!!
Perez Hilton
Who know who really grinds my gears?
Perez Hilton. This jerkoff is laughing all the way to the bank. He make SO MUCH MONEY by staying home in his PJs and doodling on pictures of Celebs. Also, he is famous. Rich and Famous. For drawing zits on a celebrity.
I cant decide what bothers me more. Him, or the fact that I didnt think of this first.
Perez Hilton. This jerkoff is laughing all the way to the bank. He make SO MUCH MONEY by staying home in his PJs and doodling on pictures of Celebs. Also, he is famous. Rich and Famous. For drawing zits on a celebrity.
I cant decide what bothers me more. Him, or the fact that I didnt think of this first.
The various NYU mascots
You know what grinds my gears?
The various NYU mascots. Ok, so we used to just be the violets. Like I know its a flower, but NYU is a pretty gay school, like it is ok. But then we had to add a Bobcat named after our library catalogue. This mascot is a fail. like WTF happened? I like how NYU tries to make a legit mascot and it is just a fail because it is named after Bobst (our library).
Also, who the fuck is housie? We have a third unofficial mascot which is a house. Umm... this is down town manhattan, There are no houses. Why does this even exist?
So NYU, here is the plan, throw the bobcat off one of the floors of Bobst, actually, just put him near an edge, considering his affiliation with NYU, he will probably jump (Too dark or offensive? Meh, I am publishing it anyway). And go in to Housie, put a plastic handle of vodka in his oven and turn it on. (I kid you not, this actually happened in my building). And then, we can just have the queer flower and call it a day.
The various NYU mascots. Ok, so we used to just be the violets. Like I know its a flower, but NYU is a pretty gay school, like it is ok. But then we had to add a Bobcat named after our library catalogue. This mascot is a fail. like WTF happened? I like how NYU tries to make a legit mascot and it is just a fail because it is named after Bobst (our library).
Also, who the fuck is housie? We have a third unofficial mascot which is a house. Umm... this is down town manhattan, There are no houses. Why does this even exist?
So NYU, here is the plan, throw the bobcat off one of the floors of Bobst, actually, just put him near an edge, considering his affiliation with NYU, he will probably jump (Too dark or offensive? Meh, I am publishing it anyway). And go in to Housie, put a plastic handle of vodka in his oven and turn it on. (I kid you not, this actually happened in my building). And then, we can just have the queer flower and call it a day.
Drug Peddelers
Who know who really grinds my gears?
Drug Peddlers. So I am in a bodgea, which happens to be on the first floor of my building. Im just trying to get some iced tea and all the sudden this conversation happens:
Creep: Hey, you live in this building right?
Me: Umm... Can I help you?
Creep: I got purple haze. You want some?
Me. I am good, thanks.
Creep: No, like NYU kids like purple, I am sure you want some. (He says this as I am picking out a bottle of Snapple and looking away from him)
Me: *ignores him*
Creep: Silence means a yes, here is my card (hands me an index card with a 6 digit phone number on it), call me if you want some weed, smack, purple haze or crack.
Me: Please leave me alone or I am calling the cops
Creep: Runs away
Like, just like buy my fucking snapple. i dont want any drugs. Go bother people in Bed Stuy or something.
Drug Peddlers. So I am in a bodgea, which happens to be on the first floor of my building. Im just trying to get some iced tea and all the sudden this conversation happens:
Creep: Hey, you live in this building right?
Me: Umm... Can I help you?
Creep: I got purple haze. You want some?
Me. I am good, thanks.
Creep: No, like NYU kids like purple, I am sure you want some. (He says this as I am picking out a bottle of Snapple and looking away from him)
Me: *ignores him*
Creep: Silence means a yes, here is my card (hands me an index card with a 6 digit phone number on it), call me if you want some weed, smack, purple haze or crack.
Me: Please leave me alone or I am calling the cops
Creep: Runs away
Like, just like buy my fucking snapple. i dont want any drugs. Go bother people in Bed Stuy or something.
The Drinking Age
You know what really grinds my gears? The Drinking Age.
Why? Here is a list of something that someone between the ages of 18 and 21 can do:
1. Buy tobacco
2. Qualify for Medical marijuana
3. Drive a Car
4. Vote
5. Die for their country
6. Pay Taxes
7. Keep a Job
8. Get Married
9. Have kids
10. Adopt
11. Become a Notary Public
12. Become a Real Estate Agent
13. Fly a plane
14. Become a clergy member (What, you dont believe this? I am a fucking reverend!)
15. Get a credit card
16. Get a loan
17. Open a business
18. Bar tend
19. Teach High School students
20. Work at a Suicide Hot Line
21. Be tried as an adult
22. Make a Will
23. Change your name
24. Men are required to register with the Selective Service
25. Become a bureaucrat.
26. Become an RA or TA in a Univeristy
27. Serve Jury Duty
28. Sign a Lease
29. Sign any legally binding contract
30. Drive a truck
31. Drink in Almost any other country in the world
32. Have sex
33. Buy Porn
34. Hire a Prostitute in NV.
35. Be tried as an adult
36. Be subject to laws of statutory rape
37. Gamble
38. Purchase Lottery Tix
39. Move out
40. Go to Dance Clubs
41. Go to strip clubs
42. Get a Drivers License with out having to get a permit
43. Get any piercing
44. Ger any tattoo
45. Get a checking account
46. Buy stock in your name
47. Have a savings account in your name
48. Get control of a UGMA/UTMA account
49. Be considered the guardian for any children on a flight with you
50. Basically everything besides drinking and joining AARP.
So I can do ALL of that but not have a nice Shiraz with dinner? What the Fuck America?
So why is the drinking age still 21? I have a conspiricy involving tobacco companies trying to get people hooked, but people think I am crazy. What do you think?
Why? Here is a list of something that someone between the ages of 18 and 21 can do:
1. Buy tobacco
2. Qualify for Medical marijuana
3. Drive a Car
4. Vote
5. Die for their country
6. Pay Taxes
7. Keep a Job
8. Get Married
9. Have kids
10. Adopt
11. Become a Notary Public
12. Become a Real Estate Agent
13. Fly a plane
14. Become a clergy member (What, you dont believe this? I am a fucking reverend!)
15. Get a credit card
16. Get a loan
17. Open a business
18. Bar tend
19. Teach High School students
20. Work at a Suicide Hot Line
21. Be tried as an adult
22. Make a Will
23. Change your name
24. Men are required to register with the Selective Service
25. Become a bureaucrat.
26. Become an RA or TA in a Univeristy
27. Serve Jury Duty
28. Sign a Lease
29. Sign any legally binding contract
30. Drive a truck
31. Drink in Almost any other country in the world
32. Have sex
33. Buy Porn
34. Hire a Prostitute in NV.
35. Be tried as an adult
36. Be subject to laws of statutory rape
37. Gamble
38. Purchase Lottery Tix
39. Move out
40. Go to Dance Clubs
41. Go to strip clubs
42. Get a Drivers License with out having to get a permit
43. Get any piercing
44. Ger any tattoo
45. Get a checking account
46. Buy stock in your name
47. Have a savings account in your name
48. Get control of a UGMA/UTMA account
49. Be considered the guardian for any children on a flight with you
50. Basically everything besides drinking and joining AARP.
So I can do ALL of that but not have a nice Shiraz with dinner? What the Fuck America?
So why is the drinking age still 21? I have a conspiricy involving tobacco companies trying to get people hooked, but people think I am crazy. What do you think?
Monday, February 22, 2010
Abercrombie
You know what really grinds my gears?
Abercrombie. This place just reeks of douchey cologne. And douchey people. And just doucheyness in general.
It was about four years ago, I went in to the Abercrombie store in the Boca Mall and looked all over for jeans waist size 36, I couldnt find any, so I asked a sales person, and she responded, Ohhh... We dont HAVE that size.
Really Abercrombie, Really? 36 is a pretty average size. I dont see what the problem is here.
I wanna take these ass holes to a real mall in real America and show them everyone there is not emaciated.
Also, wasnt A&F like a camping store at the turn of the ceuntry? If these people knew what their store had become, they would be rolling over in their graves.
So, Abercrombie. Dont be a douche and stop creating mini douches. Like if you are going to seel clothes, have your models wear clothes. Has anyone else walked by the store on 5th ave and wondered what the avg IQ of the models standing in the front is? I dont know for sure, but there is a chance I could count to it using my fingers.
PS- Also what is with all of the subtle hints of homo eroticism in your ads? Gay people know better than to buy your crap
PPS- Holister, dont think you are ok either, this whole post equally applies to you.
Abercrombie. This place just reeks of douchey cologne. And douchey people. And just doucheyness in general.
It was about four years ago, I went in to the Abercrombie store in the Boca Mall and looked all over for jeans waist size 36, I couldnt find any, so I asked a sales person, and she responded, Ohhh... We dont HAVE that size.
Really Abercrombie, Really? 36 is a pretty average size. I dont see what the problem is here.
I wanna take these ass holes to a real mall in real America and show them everyone there is not emaciated.
Also, wasnt A&F like a camping store at the turn of the ceuntry? If these people knew what their store had become, they would be rolling over in their graves.
So, Abercrombie. Dont be a douche and stop creating mini douches. Like if you are going to seel clothes, have your models wear clothes. Has anyone else walked by the store on 5th ave and wondered what the avg IQ of the models standing in the front is? I dont know for sure, but there is a chance I could count to it using my fingers.
PS- Also what is with all of the subtle hints of homo eroticism in your ads? Gay people know better than to buy your crap
PPS- Holister, dont think you are ok either, this whole post equally applies to you.
When you want words to exist and they dont.
You know what really grinds my gears?
When you want words to exist and they dont. (This is in reference to my last post). I handed in a term paper last year and 5x on the essay, the teacher asked me if these were made up words. Like if you can get the meaning from the word, it is still good communication. Like Shakespeare, who is a plagerous bastard, make up tons of words that we use every day (i.e.: upstairs), so why can I make up a word? Huh?
When you want words to exist and they dont. (This is in reference to my last post). I handed in a term paper last year and 5x on the essay, the teacher asked me if these were made up words. Like if you can get the meaning from the word, it is still good communication. Like Shakespeare, who is a plagerous bastard, make up tons of words that we use every day (i.e.: upstairs), so why can I make up a word? Huh?
People who discourage children from using condoms.
You know what really grinds my gears?
People who discourage children from using condoms. You mine as well encourage them to take up smoking while you are at it. Thanks for ruining lives and making my job as a contraception teacher harder. We all really do appreciate your blockheadedness. (Is that a word... well, it is now.)
People who discourage children from using condoms. You mine as well encourage them to take up smoking while you are at it. Thanks for ruining lives and making my job as a contraception teacher harder. We all really do appreciate your blockheadedness. (Is that a word... well, it is now.)
That drunk...
You know who really grinds my gears?
That Drunk. You know... the one who hangs out side your apartment window who shouts incredibly profane things after having their 8th Colt 45 for the day. Like. it is 1am. I am trying to sleep. There is no need to loudly shout. "I am going to fuck your mother.... and your brother... and Eugene Debs. " I have no idea if he even knows who Eugene Debs is, but kudos to the drunk for knowing his American history. (For those of you who were either drunk or high for the AP, Eugene V Debs was the head of the American Socialist party at the turn of the century, and he actually ran for president multiple times) I am really tempted to go hand him $2.25 so he can go shout underground in the subway and not bother me, however, I know he will take it to the deli to buy more beer. If only NYU would let me open my dorm room window, I would totally start throwing the over ripened fruit and veggies out my window. AHH... I have such a perfect cantaloupe for this!!
I wonder what this guy does during the day. You know he probably runs some multi-national corporation or something like that.
That Drunk. You know... the one who hangs out side your apartment window who shouts incredibly profane things after having their 8th Colt 45 for the day. Like. it is 1am. I am trying to sleep. There is no need to loudly shout. "I am going to fuck your mother.... and your brother... and Eugene Debs. " I have no idea if he even knows who Eugene Debs is, but kudos to the drunk for knowing his American history. (For those of you who were either drunk or high for the AP, Eugene V Debs was the head of the American Socialist party at the turn of the century, and he actually ran for president multiple times) I am really tempted to go hand him $2.25 so he can go shout underground in the subway and not bother me, however, I know he will take it to the deli to buy more beer. If only NYU would let me open my dorm room window, I would totally start throwing the over ripened fruit and veggies out my window. AHH... I have such a perfect cantaloupe for this!!
I wonder what this guy does during the day. You know he probably runs some multi-national corporation or something like that.
Banging a limb.
You know what really grinds my gears?
When you bang a limb. Like you are getting up to run out some where, or you are in the kitchen, and all the sudden you just feel an huge wham and you scream FUCKKKKKK! because it hurts. And then it starts to hurt more and more until you have to go sit down for a good minute and rub it. It is just kinda cruel. I secretly want to foam pad my apartment so I stop getting injured so often. Like people probably think that some one beats me. It is just my rock hard wood desk. and my bed.
The worst thing about this is that there is really no solution. As long as we are alive we will continue to stub toes, wham knees and catch arms on doors.
When you bang a limb. Like you are getting up to run out some where, or you are in the kitchen, and all the sudden you just feel an huge wham and you scream FUCKKKKKK! because it hurts. And then it starts to hurt more and more until you have to go sit down for a good minute and rub it. It is just kinda cruel. I secretly want to foam pad my apartment so I stop getting injured so often. Like people probably think that some one beats me. It is just my rock hard wood desk. and my bed.
The worst thing about this is that there is really no solution. As long as we are alive we will continue to stub toes, wham knees and catch arms on doors.
The Communists who creep NYU students in Washington Square Park
You know what really grinds my gears?
The Communists who creep NYU students in Washington Square Park. Ok, first off let me clarify, I am incredibly liberal. I am someone where on the spectrum between the DNC and Democratic Socialism. But these people are just crazy. Like, have they even read the Communist Manifesto? All they ramble on about is the violent revolution, they dont even care about the good aspects that Marx argued for. So, Crazy ass communists, please, take all the money you spend making poorly Xeroxed fliers and use it to buy a meal for someone who is starving. That is real communism and distribution of wealth.
The Communists who creep NYU students in Washington Square Park. Ok, first off let me clarify, I am incredibly liberal. I am someone where on the spectrum between the DNC and Democratic Socialism. But these people are just crazy. Like, have they even read the Communist Manifesto? All they ramble on about is the violent revolution, they dont even care about the good aspects that Marx argued for. So, Crazy ass communists, please, take all the money you spend making poorly Xeroxed fliers and use it to buy a meal for someone who is starving. That is real communism and distribution of wealth.
People who are too lazy to read subtitles
Who knows who really grinds my gears?
People who are too lazy to read subtitles. Like Come on. Almost all of my favorite movies aren't in English. Like, you know if a foreign film comes to America, it has to be incredible! But no. These idiots would rather see a Seth Rogen Film than watch a piece of art by Almodovar.
My message to these people: Get cultured! Go see a foreign film, go to the opera, listen to NPR, etc, etc. Please, don't further fuck up America!
People who are too lazy to read subtitles. Like Come on. Almost all of my favorite movies aren't in English. Like, you know if a foreign film comes to America, it has to be incredible! But no. These idiots would rather see a Seth Rogen Film than watch a piece of art by Almodovar.
My message to these people: Get cultured! Go see a foreign film, go to the opera, listen to NPR, etc, etc. Please, don't further fuck up America!
Hold Music
You know what really Grinds My Gears?
Hold Music. Ok, So the last thing anyone ever wants to hear on the phone is, "Can I put you on hold", and as drones, we begrudgingly comply. And then we get greeted with hold music. Like this shit makes the 25 minute wait to change my plane tickets any better.
Like maybe if it was good music, but of course it isn't. Like honestly, if anyone has ever heard a good hold music song, please comment and prove me wrong. There a few different types of hold music:
1. Jazzy Overtones
2. Bad Classic Rock that is infused with Jazzy Overtones
3. And that ad for whoever you are calling encouraging you to go to their website (Yeah, because I would call if it was easy enough for me to figure it out on the website) Note: This ad may be done to a Jazzy overtone.
Also, there are issues when the hold music goes wrong. Like when it just plain stops. Like what do you do then. Like you are still connected, and might hear a faint clicking noise, but you dont know what to do. And then the 15 second loop of jazzy overtones will randomly come back and trick you in to thinking someone has actually picked up your call. But no. There is just some guy in an Indian calling center drinking his tea and laughing his ass off about this.
Hold Music. Ok, So the last thing anyone ever wants to hear on the phone is, "Can I put you on hold", and as drones, we begrudgingly comply. And then we get greeted with hold music. Like this shit makes the 25 minute wait to change my plane tickets any better.
Like maybe if it was good music, but of course it isn't. Like honestly, if anyone has ever heard a good hold music song, please comment and prove me wrong. There a few different types of hold music:
1. Jazzy Overtones
2. Bad Classic Rock that is infused with Jazzy Overtones
3. And that ad for whoever you are calling encouraging you to go to their website (Yeah, because I would call if it was easy enough for me to figure it out on the website) Note: This ad may be done to a Jazzy overtone.
Also, there are issues when the hold music goes wrong. Like when it just plain stops. Like what do you do then. Like you are still connected, and might hear a faint clicking noise, but you dont know what to do. And then the 15 second loop of jazzy overtones will randomly come back and trick you in to thinking someone has actually picked up your call. But no. There is just some guy in an Indian calling center drinking his tea and laughing his ass off about this.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
In Honour of Rebecca Kessler
You know what really grinds my gears?
Individually wrapped cheese. Now, to clarify, I have no problem with sliced cheese. But when they take each slice and wrap it. What the fuck?
Ok, so here is a list of my problems with Individually wrapped cheese.
1. People always complain about the environment and high oil prices. Hello crappy plastic wrappers?!
2. I can never get that fucker open! Like I try and I try to get the cheese so perfect and even, but the packaging always ruins the perfect cheese
3. The flavor that the cheese absorbs is defiantly plastic. I hate tasting that. Eww. Like you know there are some nasty ass carcinogens in there are something.
4. The lack of decoration on the packaging. Ok, so you make all the effort to wrap cheese, and not it is just going to be plain plastic. Make it cool, Like put a fucking dinosaur on there or something.
5. The lack of perforated edges. So most plastic things have perforated edges, Like condoms and candy and potato chips. But NOOO. This has to be all smooth on the sides to make it hard to open. Do these cheese producers just hate us?
So in short, individually wrapped cheese is just one huge mindfuck.
Ugch. I am all worked up now.
Individually wrapped cheese. Now, to clarify, I have no problem with sliced cheese. But when they take each slice and wrap it. What the fuck?
Ok, so here is a list of my problems with Individually wrapped cheese.
1. People always complain about the environment and high oil prices. Hello crappy plastic wrappers?!
2. I can never get that fucker open! Like I try and I try to get the cheese so perfect and even, but the packaging always ruins the perfect cheese
3. The flavor that the cheese absorbs is defiantly plastic. I hate tasting that. Eww. Like you know there are some nasty ass carcinogens in there are something.
4. The lack of decoration on the packaging. Ok, so you make all the effort to wrap cheese, and not it is just going to be plain plastic. Make it cool, Like put a fucking dinosaur on there or something.
5. The lack of perforated edges. So most plastic things have perforated edges, Like condoms and candy and potato chips. But NOOO. This has to be all smooth on the sides to make it hard to open. Do these cheese producers just hate us?
So in short, individually wrapped cheese is just one huge mindfuck.
Ugch. I am all worked up now.
Megan Fucking Fox.
You know who really grinds my gears?
Megan Fox. Megan fox says she has low self esteem. Fuck her. Megan fox says she is a bisexual. Megan Fox just likes attention. Megan fox is afraid to fly. Megan fox fixes this problem by listening to Brittney Spears Songs. Megan Fox had tattoo buyers remorse. Megan Fox's excuse: The Tattoo artist was high. Megan Fox got her on and off again boyfriend's name tattooed to her self. Megan Fox is a fucktard. Megan Fox Looks like Angelina Jolie. Megan Fox needs to adopt some baby from Africa or some shit. Megan Fox's two most prestigous awarks were a Nickoloden Teen Choice award and a Spike TV Video Games Award.
So why is this crazy Bitch popular? She's hot. Thats it. Megan Fox, Please just like ram a hammer into your head so you make sense to me or some shit like that. Thanks.
Credit goes to Gaby Yahri for getting me started on this rant.
PS- Like seriously, doesnt this video just make you wanna vomit. Like seirously? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40-Oskte2uQ
Megan Fox. Megan fox says she has low self esteem. Fuck her. Megan fox says she is a bisexual. Megan Fox just likes attention. Megan fox is afraid to fly. Megan fox fixes this problem by listening to Brittney Spears Songs. Megan Fox had tattoo buyers remorse. Megan Fox's excuse: The Tattoo artist was high. Megan Fox got her on and off again boyfriend's name tattooed to her self. Megan Fox is a fucktard. Megan Fox Looks like Angelina Jolie. Megan Fox needs to adopt some baby from Africa or some shit. Megan Fox's two most prestigous awarks were a Nickoloden Teen Choice award and a Spike TV Video Games Award.
So why is this crazy Bitch popular? She's hot. Thats it. Megan Fox, Please just like ram a hammer into your head so you make sense to me or some shit like that. Thanks.
Credit goes to Gaby Yahri for getting me started on this rant.
PS- Like seriously, doesnt this video just make you wanna vomit. Like seirously? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=40-Oskte2uQ
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Forgetting what you were going to do
You know what really grinds my gears?
Forgetting what you were going to do. Like, ever sit down at a desk, walk in to a store or go into the kitchen and realize you have no idea what you are doing there? Like, you know you have something to do, but you can remember what that is for the life of you. Like today, I logged into Blogger and I knew that I had something I wanted to write about. But I cant remember! So now you get this crappy post.
Forgetting what you were going to do. Like, ever sit down at a desk, walk in to a store or go into the kitchen and realize you have no idea what you are doing there? Like, you know you have something to do, but you can remember what that is for the life of you. Like today, I logged into Blogger and I knew that I had something I wanted to write about. But I cant remember! So now you get this crappy post.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Unused Subway Stations
You know what really grinds my gears?
Unused or shut down subway stations. You probably dont know this, but the MTA has about 9 subway stations that exist and dont get used. (i.e.: 18th st on the Lex Line and City Hall on the 6). Real estate is so rare in NYC, they should lease these places out for retail or apartments or some shit. Like they tell us that the MTA is broke and that we have to pay more for less. Here is an idea... Let someone sell shit in the old 18th st station or on the unused lower tracks on the 7 in Times Square. Or the old City Hall stop is beautiful. I bet some designer would pay a shit ton of money to rent out that space!!
Post Note: This is actually pretty cool. Check this out. And the next time you are on the 6 look out while passing 18th, you can see it. Also, you can see the old 91st st stop on the 1. Here are all of them: http://www.columbia.edu/~brennan/abandoned/
Unused or shut down subway stations. You probably dont know this, but the MTA has about 9 subway stations that exist and dont get used. (i.e.: 18th st on the Lex Line and City Hall on the 6). Real estate is so rare in NYC, they should lease these places out for retail or apartments or some shit. Like they tell us that the MTA is broke and that we have to pay more for less. Here is an idea... Let someone sell shit in the old 18th st station or on the unused lower tracks on the 7 in Times Square. Or the old City Hall stop is beautiful. I bet some designer would pay a shit ton of money to rent out that space!!
Post Note: This is actually pretty cool. Check this out. And the next time you are on the 6 look out while passing 18th, you can see it. Also, you can see the old 91st st stop on the 1. Here are all of them: http://www.columbia.edu/~brennan/abandoned/
The NYC tourist who thinks they know the city and have no fucking clue.
You know what really grinds my gears?
The NYC tourist who thinks they know the city and have no fucking clue. Ok, so I was walking thru Washington Square Park yesterday and I heard one tourist say to another, "This is central park". Now we are going to get on the 6 train and go to times square to go to Ruby Foo, its the best Chinese in NYC.
I wish I could have seen their faces when they realized the 6 goes to the Bronx. *evil grin*
The NYC tourist who thinks they know the city and have no fucking clue. Ok, so I was walking thru Washington Square Park yesterday and I heard one tourist say to another, "This is central park". Now we are going to get on the 6 train and go to times square to go to Ruby Foo, its the best Chinese in NYC.
I wish I could have seen their faces when they realized the 6 goes to the Bronx. *evil grin*
Talking to a computer
You know what really grinds my gears?
Talking to a computer! So, my phone, computer breaks, I need to purchase airline tickets, I need to order a car service, etc, etc.
And I am stuck talking to the same fucking woman at every place. And she not just a power carer person, she is a COMPUTER who can understand me.
Me: Hi Citibank, I need to order more checks.
Her: Hold On. I can help you. Do you want a CD?
Me: No. Operator Please.
Her: Hold on. I will transfer you to new accounts.
New Accounts: Hi, Can I open a CD for you?
Me: No, can I just order checks?
New Accounts: Sure, let me transfer you.
...bad hold music...
Her: This is CitiGold. Do you want a CD?
Fuck my life. And fuck this lady. I would rather talk to Dell Tech support that talk to that deceptive bitch!!
Talking to a computer! So, my phone, computer breaks, I need to purchase airline tickets, I need to order a car service, etc, etc.
And I am stuck talking to the same fucking woman at every place. And she not just a power carer person, she is a COMPUTER who can understand me.
Me: Hi Citibank, I need to order more checks.
Her: Hold On. I can help you. Do you want a CD?
Me: No. Operator Please.
Her: Hold on. I will transfer you to new accounts.
New Accounts: Hi, Can I open a CD for you?
Me: No, can I just order checks?
New Accounts: Sure, let me transfer you.
...bad hold music...
Her: This is CitiGold. Do you want a CD?
Fuck my life. And fuck this lady. I would rather talk to Dell Tech support that talk to that deceptive bitch!!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Moochers
You know what really grinds my gears?
Moochers. everyone knows at least one. To clarify these are the people who use other people for their shit. Like, they will forget their wallet and then forget to pay you back. If you pick up this tab and tell them to get the next one, they never will. If you bring alcohol to a party, they wont bring anything and drink all of yours and then ask you to get more. These people are just fucking RUDE!
Oh, also people who insist that you pay them back to the precise penny immediately, but when they owe you money, they are just like, god, don't be so exact, or yeah, I will get ya later. I dont even deal with these people any more.
Like, dont be a DBag, because then I have to feel awkward about approaching you. And instead of telling you that you are a moocher, I have to hint at it via my blog.
Moochers. everyone knows at least one. To clarify these are the people who use other people for their shit. Like, they will forget their wallet and then forget to pay you back. If you pick up this tab and tell them to get the next one, they never will. If you bring alcohol to a party, they wont bring anything and drink all of yours and then ask you to get more. These people are just fucking RUDE!
Oh, also people who insist that you pay them back to the precise penny immediately, but when they owe you money, they are just like, god, don't be so exact, or yeah, I will get ya later. I dont even deal with these people any more.
Like, dont be a DBag, because then I have to feel awkward about approaching you. And instead of telling you that you are a moocher, I have to hint at it via my blog.
Oxy Clean
You know what really grinds my gears?
Oxyclean. So, you see the commercial and you are like WOW! It works SO WELL! Like that shit is so clean!
So ofcourse, I go ahead and buy it. I throw some in with my wash. After coming back in a half an hour or so, I am so excited for how good it will smell and how clean my clothes will be. I open the lid and that fucker coagulated and stuck to all of my clothing, so I had to take it out, move it to a different washer and start all over again.
Billy Mays... this shit doesnt work!!!
Oxyclean. So, you see the commercial and you are like WOW! It works SO WELL! Like that shit is so clean!
So ofcourse, I go ahead and buy it. I throw some in with my wash. After coming back in a half an hour or so, I am so excited for how good it will smell and how clean my clothes will be. I open the lid and that fucker coagulated and stuck to all of my clothing, so I had to take it out, move it to a different washer and start all over again.
Billy Mays... this shit doesnt work!!!
Fruit Salads.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Fruit Salads.
There are two types. The bad and the horrible
The bad: This is when the fruit is incredible, but even if it is still the best fruit ever, there are only a few pieces you actually want, so you have to pick around the bad ones.
The horrible: This is when the fruit is bad and it has been sitting out for a few days. You go to pick that piece you want out and it tastes funny. Then you go and try another type of fruit and realize that while all the fruits might look different, they taste the same. Also, this type may contain an unrecognizable piece of fruit, that is maybe white and cube shaped (like maybe it is old cantaloupe, or a honey dew or pineapple) or maybe is small and sperical (and you can tell whether it is a fucked up grape or a bad blueberry) and only god knows. No, actually, god doesnt know. He is sitting up in heaven scratching his head thinking, What the fuck is that?
Fruit Salads.
There are two types. The bad and the horrible
The bad: This is when the fruit is incredible, but even if it is still the best fruit ever, there are only a few pieces you actually want, so you have to pick around the bad ones.
The horrible: This is when the fruit is bad and it has been sitting out for a few days. You go to pick that piece you want out and it tastes funny. Then you go and try another type of fruit and realize that while all the fruits might look different, they taste the same. Also, this type may contain an unrecognizable piece of fruit, that is maybe white and cube shaped (like maybe it is old cantaloupe, or a honey dew or pineapple) or maybe is small and sperical (and you can tell whether it is a fucked up grape or a bad blueberry) and only god knows. No, actually, god doesnt know. He is sitting up in heaven scratching his head thinking, What the fuck is that?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
One Ply toilet paper.
You know what really grinds my gears?
One ply toilet paper. Is there someone out there that digs this shit? No. Actually, none would be better. Thanks.
One ply toilet paper. Is there someone out there that digs this shit? No. Actually, none would be better. Thanks.
Guidos
You know what really grinds my gears?
Guidos.
Do you wear Ed Hardy?
Do you drive a "tricked out car"?
Do you have a fake tan, designer sunglasses and a gym membership that you use way too much?
Do you hang out with "your bros" and use "no homo" frequently?
Do you disrespect women?
Do you use hair gel like it is water?
Then please stay in Staten Island and New Jersey. You are not welcome in the city. Nobody likes you.
Guidos.
Do you wear Ed Hardy?
Do you drive a "tricked out car"?
Do you have a fake tan, designer sunglasses and a gym membership that you use way too much?
Do you hang out with "your bros" and use "no homo" frequently?
Do you disrespect women?
Do you use hair gel like it is water?
Then please stay in Staten Island and New Jersey. You are not welcome in the city. Nobody likes you.
Goyim on JDate
You know what really grinds my gears?
That baptist on JDate who lists them selves as "not willing to convert".
Why do these people even make a JDate? Are they just desperate or they just have a fetish for having sex with a well off Jew?
These people should just go to E-Harmony or Ashley Madison or something.
That baptist on JDate who lists them selves as "not willing to convert".
Why do these people even make a JDate? Are they just desperate or they just have a fetish for having sex with a well off Jew?
These people should just go to E-Harmony or Ashley Madison or something.
Hipsturds.
You know what really grinds my gears?
Hipsters. Ok, so I was on the L train this morning and some girl asked if she could bum a smoke. I apologized and said that I didnt smoke. She replied with "Gosh, well, I only smoke American Spirit Yellow, and you are deff not alt enough to smoke those anyway. Ucgh, Manhattan Mainstreamers".
Hipsters, let me tell you something. While I like indie rock and PBR, if you are conforming to something that is alternative, you are still a conformist. Your self-invoked narcissism can only go so far. Do something with your fucking life!
Hipsters. Ok, so I was on the L train this morning and some girl asked if she could bum a smoke. I apologized and said that I didnt smoke. She replied with "Gosh, well, I only smoke American Spirit Yellow, and you are deff not alt enough to smoke those anyway. Ucgh, Manhattan Mainstreamers".
Hipsters, let me tell you something. While I like indie rock and PBR, if you are conforming to something that is alternative, you are still a conformist. Your self-invoked narcissism can only go so far. Do something with your fucking life!
People who think gays choose to be gay
You know what really grinds my gears?
People who think gays choose to be gay. I was just talking with a friend about this. Yeah, gays today deffinatly choose to be gay, just like Jews chose to be Jewish during the Holocaust and how Blacks chose to be Black during Apartheid. Dumb asses.
People who think gays choose to be gay. I was just talking with a friend about this. Yeah, gays today deffinatly choose to be gay, just like Jews chose to be Jewish during the Holocaust and how Blacks chose to be Black during Apartheid. Dumb asses.
Plastic Packaging
Do you know what really grinds my gears?
That horrible plastic packaging on cool electronics. Ok, so like the other day I bought these kick ass headphones from AC Gears (a sweet shop on 8th street). The employee put a new package in the bag. I get back to my apartment and guess what. Those things are sealed in the fucking Fort Knox of plastic packaging.
So, to try to open this with a scissors. and the scissors fucking break. I try to cut it open with a steak knife and end up cutting my finger. Ouch!
I proceed to give up and go run some errands sans my tunes thanks to this evil packaging. I was in kmart and I asked the people if they sold a product that could help me. They said they had a special box cutter that could open this product. Guess what... IT CAME IN THE SAME FUCKING EVIL PACKAGING!
So I had to purchase the box cutter and take it to customer service for them to open it.
Dear manufacturers. Please stop selling cool stuff in this bull shit. It is ruining the enivorment and it ruins my day.
That horrible plastic packaging on cool electronics. Ok, so like the other day I bought these kick ass headphones from AC Gears (a sweet shop on 8th street). The employee put a new package in the bag. I get back to my apartment and guess what. Those things are sealed in the fucking Fort Knox of plastic packaging.
So, to try to open this with a scissors. and the scissors fucking break. I try to cut it open with a steak knife and end up cutting my finger. Ouch!
I proceed to give up and go run some errands sans my tunes thanks to this evil packaging. I was in kmart and I asked the people if they sold a product that could help me. They said they had a special box cutter that could open this product. Guess what... IT CAME IN THE SAME FUCKING EVIL PACKAGING!
So I had to purchase the box cutter and take it to customer service for them to open it.
Dear manufacturers. Please stop selling cool stuff in this bull shit. It is ruining the enivorment and it ruins my day.
Valentines day
You know what really grinds my gears?
Valentines day. Ok, so this is how I picture it being created. There are two people who work for the hallmark corporation sitting an evil lair planing on not only how to make a shit ton of money, but also how to make single people feel bad about being single.
So, every year on Feb 14th, we have to all go spend money on shit made in china if we have a significant other and if we dont, we have to sit in our apartments infront of the ten o'clock news with a pint of Ben and Jerry's wallowing in our own self pitty.
So, dear President Obama or Donald Hall (CEO of Hallmark) or who ever the fuck is incharge. Can we just kill this holiday? K. Thanks.
Valentines day. Ok, so this is how I picture it being created. There are two people who work for the hallmark corporation sitting an evil lair planing on not only how to make a shit ton of money, but also how to make single people feel bad about being single.
So, every year on Feb 14th, we have to all go spend money on shit made in china if we have a significant other and if we dont, we have to sit in our apartments infront of the ten o'clock news with a pint of Ben and Jerry's wallowing in our own self pitty.
So, dear President Obama or Donald Hall (CEO of Hallmark) or who ever the fuck is incharge. Can we just kill this holiday? K. Thanks.
Tourists
You know what really grinds my gears? Ever walk out of Crumbs on 8th with a cappuccino and see the big red bus with tourists taking pictures of you? These people need to go back to midtown. I am tired of giving directions to people who want to go to texas, instead of Houston Street. I am tired of people asking me to take their picture, or rather, having to stop in the middle of the sidewalk so some girl from Kentucky can take a picture infront of a big building. Ever sit down to make a call or open your travel mug when someone with a Chicago accent asks you where the nearest bathroom is? What do I look like? A fucking Macys employee?! Ever had your picture taken by a tourist because you are a "real NYU student"? I have. Arg. Please go home, or at least back to times square and don't come below 14th St again!
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