Water Parks

You know what really grinds my gears?

Water parks. While these wild wacky places are meant to be fun, they are in fact... disgusting. These places are filled with millions of little kids running around barefoot (in their bathing suits). The water is gross and I am pretty sure that no matter how much chlorine they put in there, they still cant kill all of the germs. Also, just think of all of the pee in the water. EWWW (See South Park episode for more on this point: http://www.southparkstudios.com/episodes/251891)

In short they are kinda gross. I will stick with roller coasters, thank you.

Ticketmaster

You know what really grinds my gears?

Ticketmaster. Every time I try to purchase concert tickets, I get the ticketmaster run around. First with the pre sales. If you don't pay $50 or have a platinum amex card, you can't get good tickets. Once you go on at the exact time, you will be placed in a line that continues to get longer. A one minute wait becomes a five minute wait, as if thousands of people are cutting the line in front you. Afterwards, you are assigned a terrible seat. You may graciously accept it or let it go to get a worse seat. Then you get dinged with the fees. They charge you a "convenience charge" for being incredibly inconvenient. Then they charge you to print out your tickets.

They are obviously a monopoly and need to be shut down.

Unnecessary social networking sites.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Unnecessary social networking sites. Ok, I will say that some of these are just incredible, Like take Facebook for example. It is genius and has been an incredible tool for me with a lot of the work that I do.

But some of these are tools that are just abused. For example, I have to manage a Twitter account at my office and people share the stupidest shit. Like "My cat likes his new toy" or "OMG! LUV THE JoBro" or they will link to pointless websites. I sometimes wonder why our tax dollars are paying to have this archived by the government. In 1000 years, people will look back and be like, "Damn! Their lives were boring as fuck"

With that said, I absolutely hate FourSquare (4sq). This is a site that tracks you and tells all of your e-friends where you are at any given minute. Like really, i don't wanna know if you are at Trader Joe's, Penn Station or Planned Parenthood. have you ever stopped to think it may not be the best idea to publish your movements to people on the internet?

Mall Cops

You know what really grinds my gears?

Mall Cops. These individuals were so smart that they have entered the field of being rent-a-cops. I am not talking about the people who just work in malls, I am taking about people who are paid to be "security guards." These people range from Mall Cops to Wackenhuts to Gated Community Guards to the man who feels it necessary to pull me aside walking out of kmart with one box of laundry detergent.

Basically these are people who have absolutely no authority or legal power, and feel saddened by it, so they go out of their way to be as obnoxious and rude as they possibly can.

For anyone who has gone to college recently, I am sure you can remember the lovely encounters with campus police. These are some of the only people on the payroll who interact with students, yet, are too stupid to have a college degree. These individuals get a sort of sick pleasure of hassling students for presentation of ID cards or inconveniencing them and smiling while doing it. As Ms. Lindsey Kay Howard can attest to, these are the some of the smuggest SOB's out there.

Then, we have the mall cop. They single out teenagers because (Of course...) people in their 20s and older never steal. These people are too lazy to walk around the mall and use a segway to make their way through people. The Segway mall cop has a larger ego than most because he is slightly higher than everyone else. These people segway back and forth between the food court and main entrance which why they are often slightly over weight.

If you are from South Florida or LA, you may be familiar with the idea of a gated community. Essentially, people put giant signs on the entrance to their neighborhoods in the form of a gate that say the following: "We have cool stuff to steal". Anyway, these people feel that they are the police force with in the gates and will do things such as give tickets, ask for IDs and give you disapproving looks.

But what really grinds my gears is the following. Why are these people packing heat? Seriously, if you can't be a real cop (because they are just so smart too) why are you permitted to hold a gun?

Adderall Abuse

You know what really grinds my gears?

Adderall abuse. Ok people. I know college is competitive and stressful. I am a student at a half decent school. But this abuse has to stop. First off, selling people prescription drugs is not only highly illegal, but it can be dangerous.

Second, it is not fair to students like me who actually do the work with out the illicit use of drugs. If you cant focus for 8 hours straight, it doesnt mean you have ADD or ADHD, it means your a normal human being. Let me ask you a question: Do you think it is fair to use steroids in professional sports? Because I dont, and I dont think it is fair to abuse drugs like this in academia. Plan ahead, drink coffee and take a study break. What you are doing isn't fair and it is wrong.

Why is it that universities crack down so much on things like underage drinking and marajuana smoking when prescription drug abuse (20% according to the NYTimes) is much more dangerous and so prevalent?

So the next time you are thinking about buying "addy" from some drop out with a skateboard, please consider the following side effects of adderall:
Constipation; diarrhea; difficulty sleeping; dizziness; dry mouth; headache; loss of appetite; nausea; nervousness; restlessness; stomach pain or upset; unpleasant taste; vomiting; weight loss; Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); blurred vision; change in sexual ability or desire; chest pain; confusion; depression; fast or irregular heartbeat; fever; growth suppression; mental/mood changes; numbness or tingling in an arm or leg; one-sided weakness; painful or frequent urination; seizures; severe headache; severe stomach pain; severe weight loss; sudden severe dizziness, fainting, or vomiting; uncontrolled muscle movement; unusual weakness or tiredness; vision or speech changes; Palpitations, tachycardia, elevation of blood pressure, sudden death, myocardial infarction. There have been isolated reports of cardiomyopathy associated with chronic amphetamine use; Psychotic episodes at recommended doses, overstimulation, restlessness, dizziness, insomnia, euphoria, dyskinesia, dysphoria, depression, tremor, headache, exacerbation of motor and phonic tics and Tourette's syndrome, seizures, stroke; Dryness of the mouth, unpleasant taste, diarrhea, constipation, other gastrointestinal disturbances. Anorexia and weight loss may occur as undesirable effects; Urticaria, rash, rare reports of angioedema, rare reports of a symptom complex resembling anaphylaxis; Impotence, changes in libido.

Pat Robertson

You know who really grinds my gears?

Pat Robertson. Why, you might ask. Here are just somethings this man said.

10. "Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court." –Pat Robertson

9. "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history." –Pat Robertson

8. "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor." –Pat Robertson, on "gay days" at Disneyworld

7. "(T)he feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." –Pat Robertson

6. "I know this is painful for the ladies to hear, but if you get married, you have accepted the headship of a man, your husband. Christ is the head of the household and the husband is the head of the wife, and that's the way it is, period." –Pat Robertson

5. "I'd like to say to the good citizens of Dover: If there is a disaster in your area, don't turn to God, you just rejected him from your city. And don't wonder why he hasn't helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I'm not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that's the case, don't ask for his help because he might not be there." --Pat Robertson, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted to boot the current school board, which instituted an intelligent design policy that led to a federal trial

4. "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations, or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'" --Pat Robertson, on why Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke

3. "Maybe we need a very small nuke thrown off on Foggy Bottom to shake things up" –Pat Robertson, on nuking the State Department

2. "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability. We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator. It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with." –Pat Robertson, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez

1. "It may be a blessing in disguise. ... Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. Haitians were originally under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon the third, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you will get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal. Ever since they have been cursed by one thing after the other." –Pat Robertson, on the earthquake in Haiti that destroyed the capital and killed tens of thousands of people, Jan. 13, 2010




Do I need to say more? This man is the ringleader for evangelical Christianity in America. His right wing cult needs to stop now. It is ruining this country. Hey Pat, it is the left wing liberals that give you the right to say this stuff, so maybe you shouldn't be so fast to criticize us the next time you open your ugly mouth.

People who ash their cigarettes on you.

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who ash their cigarettes on you. So today, I was walked out of Oren's on Waverly and some girl who would have filled the profile as the Harajuku Girlfriend walks past me and ashed her nasty cigarette in my face. Look, if you wanna smoke, thats your prerogative, but dont ash IN MY FACE. I asked her to watch where she was ashing, but after not hearing me, I ran up until I stood infront of her and said the following, "Hey Lady, did you hear me? You wanna watch where you are ashing, no one wants your nasty ass cigarette ash in their face". Needless to say I think I scared her so much she actually ran away. Oops, I was just trying to make a point. But seriously, maybe she will think twice about how cool she is next time she lights up and struts down the street.

THANK YOU CITY ISLAND!

So I recently complained about the lack of dysfunctional family movies. City Island is the answer to my kvetch. (Here: http://whatgrindsbryansgears.blogspot.com/2010/03/lack-of-any-recent-dysfunctional-family.html)

Thank you! It was a great film. Everyone should go and see it.

missing the train

You know what really grinds my gears?

Missing the train. So the other day, I was on the subway transferring from an uptown 4 express to a Queens Bound R at 59th/Lex and as usual, I sprint up the stairs because I hear a train pulling in and as I get to the top, the mid-section operator looks on the platform and closes the doors after seeing me sprinting towards the door. Then I see that the front section operator hasnt closed the doors, and I run to the next car, but get stuck behind a SLOW WALKER and miss the train. Like, couldn't you wait for literally 10 seconds? Of course not.

The attitude I get from Starbucks baristas.

You know what really grinds my gears?

The attitude I get from Starbucks baristas. Ok, so since I live in New York, I usually try to support independent coffee shops, sometimes starbucks is so convenient that I have to go and get some fake coffee drink (because their black coffee is NASTY!). When I am paying close to $5 for a cappuccino and I ask for it with non-fat milk, and you give me whole milk, I think it is reasonable to ask you to remake it. Dont tell me that I am wrong, or I should just drink it. You are not the halal stand. You are starbucks. Show some damn customer service to the pack of loyal caffeine addicts who will pay exorbitant amounts of money for your bad coffee.

College ACB

You know what really grinds my gears?

College ACB. I came to college expecting that people were done with high school. http://collegeacb.com/sb.php?school=NYU

Look at this. Apparently, people are still in High School. People need to grow the fuck up and stop using websites like this. Honestly it is slanderous and disgusting. Dont get me wrong, I am a huge supporter of social networking websites, but this is a place where people either spread lies about each other or attempt to boost their own ego. If you use this website, you are most likely a terrible human being and should feel bad. If you are looking for a hookup, go to a bar. If you need an ego boost, go to therapy. Grow the eff up. Someone really needs to shut this down. NOW.

The fact that the Jews didnt have time to let the bread rise.

You know what really grinds my gears?

The fact that the Jews didnt have time to let the bread rise. Its day 7 of pesach. I just want pizza! Couldnt the jews have lost their broccoli or something? WHY THE BREAD?! Dude, Pharoah, you are on my douche list just for not letting their bread rise. Couldnt you have waited? Like, the Jesus Fan Club gets to give up anything they want. But, NOOO. We have to give up the tastiest substance known to man. Excuse me, I am now going to indulge in my 17th dry cracker today.

Auto Flush Toilets

You know what really grinds my gears?

Auto-Flush Toilets. So, Today, I am using a public restroom and as soon as I go to get up it seems that my ass has gotten a swirlie, however, no bully was the culpit here. I suffered this injustice because of the lazy ass idiot who invented the auto flush toilet. Like really? Ok, I know some people physically cant flush a toilet, but the rest of us are just getting splashed with wasted water. So, plumbers and architects. NEVER install these. Nothing ruins your day more than the auto-flush.

People who bring smelly food on to Public transportation

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who bring smelly food on to Public transportation. Ok, so the other day, I was on metro north and this busisness man sits down across from me and pulls out some nasty beef/relish hotdog from his bag. It smelled of bad, it was offensive to multiple senses! it just smelled like a rodent infested grease trap on the whole train because this guy couldnt eat his lunch before getting on the train. Dude. No one wants to smell your nasty ass hot dog. Please, eat it else where.

Fox News.

You know what really grinds my gears?

Fox News. And, the people who watch fox news. These idiots hire literally the dumbest show hosts ever. First off Ann Coulter makes my eyes bleed every time I see her face, but I would prefer to talk about Glenn Beck. Some facts on Glenn Beck. He is a high school graduate. After being admitted to a continuing studies program at Yale, he dropped out after taking one course. He was addicted to Alcohol and Drugs for many years and converted to Mornomism to help cope with life.

So, I really dont have a problem with any of that, but what I do have a problem with is the fact that this man is on TV and people believe that what he says is fact. Beck is a fear-mongerer and uses scare tactics to steer people away from supporting the Obama administration. Dont believe me? Ask the ADL, they felt so so strongly about this that they came out with a public statement about this.

In addition, what is with all of the crying Glenn? You dont make me feel bad for you because you have had a hard life. You look like a blubbering idiot who is also a multi-millionaire and live in Connecticut.

Ok, back to fox news, these people are so far to the right that they are falling off the spectrum. And please, there are SO MANY dumb ass americans who take what you say as fact. While I have no desire to limit your freedom on speech, please, just dont be so stupid and moronic, think about what you say and do before you do it.

Those People Who Hand Out Fliers

You know what really grinds my gears?

Those People Who Hand Out Fliers. So yesterday I was walking on B'way between Canal and Broome, so as usual, there were alot of people handing out fliers. Its like a game having to dodge them. Everything from take out menus to cheapest body wax in New York, which can be a bit insulting to hand to someone, but that's a different story entirely. I was trying to walk by one of these people and he jabbed the thing out in my face. I glanced down and the whole thing was in Chinese. Like, do I look like I can read that? I cant even tell what language it is for gods sake! Stop wasting paper. it all ends up on the ground anyway as litter. You are ruining the environment.

Slow Walkers

You know what really grinds my gears?

Slow Walkers. So I am walking down the street and I notice myself slowing down and then I look around and realize that I am caught behind a slow walker. I look to the left and the right and see that this slow walker has other slow walker friends and they are all wobbling slowly down Third Ave together. So, I cant pass them. I am stuck behind the slow people. And then I was late to an appointment. And no one would ever buy the slow walker excuse. But really, what is the deal with these people? Like they all look healthy, some even have long legs. So why are they so slow?? Do these people have nothing to do or do they just want to piss busy people like myself off?

So here is my plan to fix it. You know how we have bicycle lanes? Lets have slow walker lanes, this way they can have their space and normal people can have ours. I don't care what they do or how slow they walk in their slow peoples lane, that's none of my business, but as long as they are out of the way, I dont care.

People who dont get Airport security.

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who dont get Airport security. Line up. Show ID and Boarding Pass. Take off shoes and coats. Take out Laptop. Liquids out in a baggie.

Really? How hard is this. Ok, I know I fly alot more than the average person, but this really hasnt changed in the past 5 years. Why is it that you have to ask questions like... Where do I go now? Should I take off my shoes? Do you need my ID with my boarding pass? Come on. Is it that hard? If the person infront of you is asked to take off their shoes, you have to also. Dude, You arent special!

Oh, and this one really drove me up the wall. The guy infront of me in line had Million Mile club markers on his suitcase. This guy has flown over 1,000,000 miles in his life. And this dumbass still couldnt figure it out. Ok, I know it is a hassle people, but get with the program. Your stupidity is making us all late.

people who insist that god is a man.

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who insist that god is a man. Look, I am religious, dont get me wrong, but really, think about this. People want to picture god as this old, white man. Let me tell ya. Old white men cant do shit. If anyone is god, it is either an overbearing Jewish mother or a sassy black woman who also works at the DMV. Why? Because these women actually accomplish things in their day. Like, if a messiah ever comes, the messiah isnt going to be taking the limo to the country club in Westchester, the messiah will be in Harlem helping to feed the poor. Get real America!

Oh, and Rush Limbaugh, every time you open your mouth, God puts a tally mark on a piece of paper with your name on it. She is on her third legal pad.

sketchy investment emails

You know what really grinds my gears?

sketchy investment emails. SO the other day, my blackberry buzzed. I got excited, so I picked it up and saw the following email:

Dear Friend,

My name is MR ALI BARAKAH .I work as an AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANAGER of BANQUE COMMERCIALE DU BUKINA (B.C.B) ,working as part of a bigger team that covers the entire African region,I had taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors,On routine audit check last month,I discovered some investment Accounts that had been dormant for the last seven years.

All the accounts belong to a single holder (NAME WITH HELD) with monies totaling a little above $11.5 million United States Dollars plus interest,I need a trust-worthy partner to assist us in recieving this funds for further investment in your country,You will be required to:

(1) Assist me in the recieving of this sum in your Country.

(2) Advise on areas for potential future investment in your country.

(3) Assist me in carrying a feasibility study before actual investment.

If you decide to render your service to me in this regard,you will be entitled to a percentage that will be agree that 40% of this money will be for you as a respect to the provision of a foriegn account , 10% will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 50% would be for me and it will take only five working days the money will be transfer into your account as soon as possible.

1. Full Names.
2. Full contact Address (Not P.O Box).
3. Phone number(s).
4. Age.
5. Details of past work experiences.
Thank you and regards.
MR ALI BARAKAH

Like, ok creeps. I am not giving you any of this information, so please Mr. Ali Barakah. Go away. I cant imagine meeting the person who is so stupid as to respond to this. No one would. Just stop trying.

ps- Are you the same guy who runs the Spanish Lottery?